i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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