i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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