just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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