everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
