i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
