Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
