I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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