Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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