where am i from again
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
