I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
