It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize