what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
