Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
