When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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