Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
