i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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