I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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