dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am naked and annoyed.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
