Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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