What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
