We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
