We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
