Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No more Irish car bombs ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
