I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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