This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
