only if we run a train.
done.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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