You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
