My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
