For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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