Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
