Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
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i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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