dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
