are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
