Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
