You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
