Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
