Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
