3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
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She's the barista slut.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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