woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
