Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
