love makes seman taste better
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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