Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
