so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
