You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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