1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
