I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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