my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
