Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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