does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
