We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
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God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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