even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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