You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize