They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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