You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
