You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
