I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
