I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
