Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
