My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
