mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
