So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
