i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
