Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
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Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
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I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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