Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
