i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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