you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I love you. Go after that dick
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
