New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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