Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
