If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
