My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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