If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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