people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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