i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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