WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
