I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
