Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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