Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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