Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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