his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize