So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
