by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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