whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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