I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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