dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
