I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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