Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
