Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He has the fingertips of a God
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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