His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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