Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
