Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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