Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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